Well...its 12:14 a.m. and I think I might be finished packing...mostly. I have three days until I leave and still I feel kinda like I'm not really going. You know what I mean? It's weird. It feels all surrealy.  All this stuff is ahead of me and it kinda freaks me out because there are a whole lot of things that haven't happened yet but soon it will be happening...and then soon it will all be in the past. It messes me up when I start thinking like that. Seems like that way of thinking makes everything go by way too fast!

I remember telling my friend on the bus ride to school that Tuesday is actually very close to the end of the week because its really close to Wednesday...which is really close to Thursday...which is only a day before Friday! She told me to stop wishing my life away like that. haha

I think she's right. I have to remind myself to stop and enjoy today for today's sake. It only happens once EVER! I hope my time in Uganda will go by slow and that I can learn a lot and help a lot too. Every morning I want to ask how can I serve today? I don't want to be counting down the days until I get home. I've been getting nervous about that. I found out that I like my parents! They are fun to talk to and I think I will miss them a lot. Also Tres and my friends and stuff too. And I'm pretty sure that I have separation anxiety (in high school I used to cry every night when Tres left my house even if I was going to see him the next day). It's definitely gotten way better but it still happens sometimes. But now I think I'm having anticipatory grief about my anxiety that is sure to come. Anticipating how much I will miss my family and the stuff I'm used to like hot showers, and my popcorn, fried chicken and panda express diet, and my own bed. I just know its going to be very different and very difficult. But I'm trusting in the Lord! and He's always been there for me. Not to mention having 13 beautiful kids to keep my mind off of things :) 

Here's another picture I did last summer. It's kinda about how God hears us when we hurt and He hurts with us. But in the end we always somehow gain a better picture of His love...but I think there's actually a lot more to it...

I think when I'm hurting is when I am most able to completely give it all up to God. Its easier then to say "here. I can do nothing with this. at all. you take it. you fix it if you want." The physical act of holding my hands open-ready to give and ready to receive-is so freeing. haha I'm sitting here doing it and trying to describe what it does but I cant. Its just like a weight is lifted...I don't know. I must have my hands open always to whatever He has for me and for whatever I can give.